


The Intricacies Of One’s Death

by ivypool



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Angst, M/M, P5R Spoilers, there's a small suicide mention just for warning. nothing graphic or in detail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:34:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24863137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivypool/pseuds/ivypool
Summary: You all know the scene-- but what if Akira was considering to accept Maruki's offer?
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	The Intricacies Of One’s Death

“You’re really going to agree with this? I thought so much better of you.” It came out as a sneer. Arms folded across his chest, a look of disgust on his face-- it was clear to Akira that he had gotten on the bad side of Goro Akechi, once again. In the middle of Cafe Leblanc, too. Thank God that no one was around but them.

He hadn’t agreed to anything. But he was considering it. He was considering Maruki’s offer. 

Moving to speak, Akechi cut him off as he opened his mouth.

“I don’t want to hear it. I don’t.” The contempt and hatred in his face was what hurt the most. “You really think that this is good for Yoshizawa-san? She’s living a lie. While I’m not exactly person-of-the-year, I don’t want to see that. Would you be able to sleep at night, knowing that she has no idea of the truth? Would you? Do you care that little for her? She’s being used as a tool by that idiot. It’s bullshit!” His voice was rising, and Akira felt smaller and smaller with each word.

But was he wrong? Akechi had a point. A very good point. But Kasumi-- No, Sumire, would be so much worse off mentally if she fully came to realize the truth. The truth that Maruki had hidden from her in hopes of saving her... But really; he was using her, wasn’t he? The moral standing of the dilemma was a lot to handle. Morally… was it correct? Was it right to do this? Was this better than her eventual suicide because of her own guilt and health? Was a masquerade really the only thing keeping Yoshizawa alive? 

But was it right to rip that away from her? Perhaps there’s a moral issue-- But was it right to destroy that happiness that she’d built on the lie? Sure, her life wasn’t perfect, she still had her issues to deal with, but it was clearly buffering that pain for her. Did ‘Fake it til you make it’ apply in this situation?

Plus.

This wasn’t only about Sumire Yoshizawa. 

It never was only about her.

“Goro, I--”

A yell silenced him. “Don’t fucking ‘ _ Goro _ ’ me!” The fury. The hate. Everything about Akechi’s tone was like Akira had opened the gates to hell itself. “I don’t want to hear this shit! You can’t seriously be thinking that anything about this is right, can you?! To think-- I thought so much  _ better _ of you, and  _ this _ is what you want?”

It felt like there was elastic holding Akechi back from him. Elastic that was about to snap. He was getting erratic. As if he was going to get violent. And well, Akira couldn’t say that it wasn’t rightful anger. 

Akira swallowed. “Please. Akechi-- Listen to me.”

He was treading over a minefield. 

“You know what will happen to you if I don’t take the offer. You’ll…” Akira paused. He didn’t want to say it. As much feud that he had between himself and Akechi. He cared about him. He cared about him, and he didn’t want him to die again. He didn’t want him to just disappear from the world all over again. There was no going back-- But they could go forwards. They could go forwards  _ together _ . Together, in a world where they could be happy. A world where the weight of Akechi’s past actions wouldn’t hang on him. A world where all wrongs were nullified and made right. A world where Akira could see Goro Akechi’s _ real  _ happiness. Not the fake personification of it. The real thing.

But all that Akechi did was laugh in response. Not a nice laugh, either. A laugh that sent a chill down Akira’s spine. 

“You  _ seriously _ think that I care? I’d rather die than live in a lie. I don’t want to be a puppet- Not again. You think that would make me happy? Make the  _ real  _ me happy?” He raised a gloved hand, pointing to Akira. “Goro Akechi is dead, Akira. And there’s nothing you can do to fix it. What’s done is done. I dug my own grave, and I intend to lay in it. You can drop as many flowers at it as you please, but it won’t change history. It won’t change  _ me _ . I don’t want to live in a shitty little fantasy world that you conjured up.”

Akira flinched.

Akechi turned his nose up to him, folding his arms across his chest once again. “You’re selfish. You’re selfish if you think that’s what I want. You’re selfish if you think that living in your own personal heaven will make everything okay. It won’t. It never will. If everyone’s thoughts are programmed to your liking, if everything bad is wiped from the world. That’s no world. That’s a simulation. And it’s one I don’t intend on living in. Your decision is a betrayal.”

Akira took a step forward, as Akechi prepared himself for a fight.

But then there were arms around him. Going stiff, Akechi’s eyes widened. The rage didn’t subside, but something else was fluttering around inside of him, something that he didn’t want to acknowledge. Especially not when he was so furious.

The arms around him tightened as his heart began to race. Akira pulled him closer into his grip. The grip Akira had on him was tight, but it didn’t feel malicious. It didn’t feel uncomfortable. It was gentle, somehow, despite the fact that he saw no way to escape the iron grip of an embrace that had been put on him. He took a sharp breath, his arms to his sides, unsure where to put them or what to do with them. “Kurusu--”

The grip tightened. Akira’s arms trembled alongside his voice. “ _ Please _ . Let me be selfish just this once. I can’t lose you again.”

It hit him like a train. Akechi’s heart drummed around inside of his head. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t even know what he _ could _ say. There was nothing that Goro Akechi could have prepared to say at that moment. There was no monologue to be had. There was no snide remark. There was no insult. His thoughts had hit a brick wall, and his mind went blank. All he could hear was his heart pounding in his own head. 

It was so loud, that he was afraid Akira might hear it through their silence.

But then the fire began again. 

With a shove, Akira hit the floor.  _ No _ . This was sick. This was sick and it was horrifying. Akechi felt ill. Regardless of his feelings towards the thief, this wasn’t right. This wasn’t happiness. This wasn’t fair. Akechi had made his choice long before, and nothing was going to change it. Nothing. He’d rather die again and again than live in this, or any other concocted world by that idiotic fool of a therapist. There was no life to live. It was a falsified and broken path that Akechi would never set foot on. And he intended to make that clear.

As his eyes met Akira’s, there was no feeling. No feeling of remorse and no feeling of love. He had caged that up the second he shoved him away. Akira looked small. Helpless, even. His glasses knocked sideways, the panic and the fear in his eyes. Perhaps that’s where he should have been right now. Perhaps that’s the feeling he had to instill in him to make him come to his senses. 

With a hiss, Akechi held his gaze. “ _ Joker _ . Make your choice. I assure you. If you choose this path-- I’ll kill myself before you can. I won’t let myself be molded into whatever you fucking wanted me to be in your perfect little head. I won’t let you do that to me. I’d rather die. And I mean that. I won’t let you take that choice from me, not ever. I won’t let you destroy what’s left of me. I’m going to destroy it first. I hope you’ll be happy with your decision.”

He sneered. “Now. I suppose we have a little race against time, don’t we? Shall I put a gun to my head before you can call your precious little therapist to make everything allll better?! Are you going to stop me? Or are you going to take everything you said back and make the  _ right _ decision? I’m giving you one last chance. Make your decision, and make it now. Just know-- Whichever one you choose. I will die. Would you grant me my own free will to choose my own fate, or will you be the one to steal my life from me? Tell me Joker. Which one is it?”

Stammering, Akira fixed his glasses, but did not move to stand up from the floor. “I can’t lose you. Not forever.  _ Please _ . You have to understand why this is so hard for me. I- Akechi-- Goro. I lo--”

A kick to the stomach shut him up fast. 

And it was followed by another outburst. “Shut up! Shut the fuck up! You don’t have the  _ right _ to say that to me. You don’t. What is it Akira? You want to live a happy little life with me? Is that it? You think that I would be happy without a real choice in it? You know the  _ real me _ would never be okay with this shit.”

Through his ragged breaths, Akira could almost hear tears in his voice. As though Akechi was holding himself back. “N-No, it’s not like tha--”

Another kick.

“I said. Shut. Up.” Akechi sounded choked up. “Face it, Akira. I was never meant to have that life. I made my choices, and this is where I ended up. I don’t want that taken away from me. Just because shit didn’t turn out all sunshine and kisses, it doesn’t fucking matter! I don’t want to live a  _ lie _ .” He sniffed. “And I don’t think that you want to, either.” 

It sounded as though he was calming down, but Akira couldn’t tell. He merely shook his head quickly in response as he curled up on the floor beneath his friend.

Friend. His friend. Goro Akechi was still the same. Goro Akechi was still his friend. Goro Akechi was still the person he cared about most. Goro Akechi was still the person he’d fallen for. And he couldn’t let go of that. This Akechi above him was really him, wasn’t it? And he was right. The real Goro Akechi wouldn’t be happy with this. Just because he was alive in this reality didn’t change a thing.

Goro Akechi was dead.

There was no way around that fact. And this was his painful reminder. His painful wakeup call.

And he had realized, the only reason Akechi hadn’t left the cafe as he had said he would, was because he  _ wanted _ Akira to make the right choice. His threat was not empty, but he lingered anyway, in some kind of desperation that Akira would choose reality over all. Not just for himself. For everyone.

And maybe, just maybe, that was what pushed him forward. Akechi did care for him, and Akechi wanted that life that they could never have. It hurt, it stung, and it tore at his heart. But he was right. He wouldn’t live that lie. He couldn’t live that life knowing that this was the last he would see of the real Goro, and not something made to fit into a fantasy.

He shakily got to his feet, moving forwards and taking the other’s hand. Akechi didn’t move. He froze in place.

Time stopped. Time stopped as Akira moved forwards and planted a kiss to his lips. It felt like an eternity before he pulled back. And he was certain that Akechi had kissed him back. 

A sheepish smile appeared across Akira’s face. “Would you like to kick his ass?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

**Author's Note:**

> hope u enjoy just did this as a little piece while i was bored! i haven't written too much persona before i hope it's not too bad!  
> i kinda took my own spin on the internal turmoil around the decision of accepting the world in p5r, bc i thought it'd be a fun thing to explore


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